Thursday, November 19, 2009

Stars, Beers, Port and Laughters

Place: Matt's house
For: Honours kids gathering/bbq before hueytyng leaves

It was a great night. The bright stars above our heads, coronas after coronas, port jellies and port which stained my teeth and lips, crazy camera flashes, mosquitoes, music, laughter and laughter and more laughter.

I was all sober but they insisted on asking me "how are u feeling" and roared in laughter when I said "I'm fine!" Thanks to michael's cat, I might have been drunk if not because of Felix.

Love you guys. Please have the best of luck in phd/work/any random crazy research. And all the sweet smses, hugs!!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A record, for myself

I think I have to keep today in record. So that I can remember everything about this particularly important day in the future.

This morning I woke up at 7.30am, went through the list of "speculated questions", talked to the wall as if it was Stuart's face, practiced and timed myself through the 25mins talk. The breathing difficulty stopped, feeling slightly calmer, I went to take a cold shower, packed my bag and went to the bus stop.

I reached 3rd floor of MLS building, the lab appeared to be empty, so I went into the office, sat with a blank mind. I think everyone was at Karina's talk, so after a while, I heard Matt, Van and Jordan talking, trying to get someone to calm me down, I went to meet them up. They were like : how u feeling? u r next up! I expressed all my worries with bitter face expressions and murmurs of half-constructed sentences. I appreciate the comfort you guys provided, especially from you Matt, you looked so sincere when you said I will be fine. :)

And then in the 5th floor meeting room, trying to set up my slides...people coming in...my thesis readers, Stuart and Steven discussing about something (probably strategy to kill me)...and then everything happen very quick, before I realised, I was done with the 25 mins talk. Bryan's yawn distracted me a lil bit, sorry to bore u bryan haha. All the other people in the audience seats, Rebecca with her eager looks, Matt and Karina, Jordan, Van, Anne.....everyone.....I felt your support. thanks. I'm so glad I can answer questions by Grant, Paul and someone else i forgot.

And then, they moved the big table to the middle, put all the lollies on the table, Rebecca gave me a chair, I sat down at one end of the table, and moved the green bag a little bit to the side so that I can see the 3 readers in front of me. And it started. questions.....1st question by Briony about tetramer kinda killed me.....I blah-ed a lot. And went on and blah-ed on other questions. There were a few questions I really don't know how to answer, but I kept talking. My mind was working fast!! And when Kirk joined in about mutating the residues to glycine instead of alanine, I think the discussion was kinda lifely! And Stuart's question about LBP-2 to LBP-8 LOL!! It made everyone laughed when Rebecca said yes it was silly naming. And then Keith, who is always quiet and I like him a lot, asked me about the error bars. And Steven, he is kinda weird, his questions were.........ehh... u know, so so, and he asked me how long it takes to conduct the shRNA knockdown validation, that gaves me a chance to boast about how tiresome this work was. And then Briony, she was not as bad as I thought, she smiled to me all the while!

Anyway, when Dan said time's up, i literally ran out of the freakin room. Everything is over now. Adrienne and Anne told me my talk was heaps better than the run through, thanks guys.

And everything else seems insignificant now. It is a symphony by a full-size orchestra reaching the peak, the beats are fast, the music is intense, and sudden drop of silence. The feeling is like you are in pitch black darkness, you don't even know if your feet are on the ground. It is also like something which has been in you for so so long, has been taken away. The problem, the stress and eventually the tranformed liking, is now gone. It will be a problem, a stress and then a liking for the juniors now. I am post-honours, damn it.

When my supervisor said, "you don't have to worry about LBPs ever again", I was sad.

I am still sad.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

很害怕
星期三的夜晚
我会大哭
就此结束了


这失落只有失恋的人懂吧

忍着别哭啊


Friday, October 30, 2009

Update

I've submitted "the book". Its my honours thesis. I picked bright red cover, to resemble my blood and sweat in this whole year, maybe? My name is printed on it in gold, hehe. Sorry for bragging on it, I love it, I really do.


--------------[reserved for picture of my bright red thesis]---------------


The reason I've not been updating is mostly due to "the book". The sleepless nights, the urge to squeeze out sentences, the hopeless sunrises, the neverending editing, the need to be precise in everything, god no one can imagine how hard it is until you really went through it.

I can't believe how fast time flies. It is November soon, and my honours year is coming to an end in 4 days. (And we biochem honours kids are gonna partay~) I have to say, I love the bond between 8 of us, we went through so much tough times together. Gonna miss you guys, phd or work, wish you best of luck.


-----------[reserved for picture of 8 of us]-----------


It has been a long year. Long yet fruitful year. People had been asking me about phd, but..... the dream of being a brilliant scientist to change the world has now ceased. I've quit being so dreamy and get face to face with the reality - money.

Poor research scientist clinging onto unstable job in the lab with a string of passion?
vs
Rich corporate (scientist?) following the instructions and being able to buy anything she wants?

The research scientists never take corporate research fellows as scientists. Instead, they are just science people who bow to money. But money is almighty, isnt it?


----[reserved for picture of future me burning money, LOL]----


I salute all the biochem people in MLS building, working they ass off dealing with DNA and proteins in eppendorf tubes day and night. Their passion is burning! And it does affect and inspire me! Thanks people!

Its all right, the journey is still long ahead. I will find my way. :)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

"Oh, I miss you, you know"


Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


What a touching song! Michael Buble - Home

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Listen to the expert!

My dad's email to advise on thesis-writing:

"Report wrting carries a lot of weight, even though sometimes result may not be as good as expected. The approach, the disucssion and the conclusion are important."

LOL! Listen to the expert!

Things to keep in mind

Smile while you walk.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

Live with Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.


Play more games.


Read more books than you did last year.


Make time to practice meditation. They are our daily fuel.

Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.


Dream more while you are awake.


Drink plenty of water.


Try to make at least three people smile each day.


Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.


Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.


Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.


Smile and laugh more.


Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.


Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don't have to win every argument.

Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.


Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.


No one is in charge of your happiness except you.


Forgive everyone for everything.


What other people think of you is none of your business.

No matter how good or bad a situation is, it will change.


Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.


Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.


Envy is a waste of time.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

When you awake alive in the morning, be thankful, because no one is promised tomorrow.